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 Odyssey project

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CorellonL
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PostSubject: Odyssey project   Mon 15 Dec 2008, 4:07 pm

For English, we had to do a project on The Odyssey. We were given four options. One of them was to write a new adventure for Odysseus in which he faces modern-day obstacles. For the lulz, I decided to write it in dactylic hexameter - who knows? I might get extra credit! Admittedly, though, it's making it take a few hours too long... Here's what I have so far:



Sing to me of the man, Muse, of Great Odysseus
Who has once slain the great Cyclops Polyphemus
And has circumvented Scylla and Charybdis.
Has slept with nymph Calypso and witch Circe,
And has evaded the sweet song of the Sirens.
He finds himself now two thousand eight AD,
Working menial labor in a cubicle.
The world no longer has need for a great hero;
Odysseus must no longer slay fearsome monsters,
Nor use his cunning to reach his Penelope.
He's now an accountant making minimum wage.


"Woe unto me," cried poor Odysseus. "Why must I,
A twenty-five-hundred-year-old ex-war hero,
Spend the rest of my days wasting away in here,
Calculating budget reports for all my life?
Curse that Athena for bestowing unto me
The gift of eternal life! Had I predicted
The droll monotony of an accountant's life,
I would have never accepted her 'kind' offer!"


At this, the goddess Athena chose to descend
For the very first time in two millennia.
"Odysseus," she spoke, her voice booming through the room,
"Neither women nor men today remember me,
Nor giant-killer Hermes, nor my father Zeus.
We do, however, maintain control, even now.
Buddha, Adonai, Allah, they do not exist
Yet they receive more worship than do the true gods.
And so, Odysseus, I bid you, please restore faith
Unto me, unto Aphrodite, unto Zeus.
Do so, and I shall lift the gift which hexes you."


And Athena rose up and ascended skyward,
And as she did so, Odysseus knew what to do.
He stood from his rotary chair and he realized
The great Athena had cracked the cemented roof.
For Odysseus to begin converting the world,
He first had to quit his job as an accountant,
And he knew his boss would ask about the cracked roof.


Boldly Odysseus strode out of his cubicle
And departed for the room in which his boss sat.
Upon arriving at his fearsome boss's door,
Odysseus thought of the horrors to come, and yet
He pushed the door open and stepped in to the room.
As he did, the boss inquired of him, "Odysseus,
You are supposed to be calculating reports.
What brings you from your work into my office today?"

_________________
"It's like someone made a submarine out of metal, and the metal became the norm, but then someone said 'Everyone makes their submarines out of metal, let's make one out of bread.'"
-ZeroPunctuation on the right analog stick's function in Too Human
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littlegoth

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PostSubject: Re: Odyssey project   Mon 15 Dec 2008, 4:14 pm

Sounds interesting..

can't read it.. too much like poetry.. brain melting..
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theSeraph

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PostSubject: Re: Odyssey project   Mon 15 Dec 2008, 4:18 pm

yeah... desi doesn't fare too well with poetry usually...
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CorellonL
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PostSubject: Re: Odyssey project   Mon 15 Dec 2008, 7:05 pm

“I have worked for near a decade under this roof,
And every day has brought the same fortune,” explained he.
“I yearn for the life I once lived: a hero’s life!
When my beard was still black, I faced Cyclops and nymphs,
And fought as a general in the Trojan War.
No, an accountant’s life is not the life for me.”

His boss nodded. “Yes, I understand completely.
Show me to your cubicle, and you may resign.”
Odysseus bit his lip, but he displayed sangfroid.
He led his boss down the hallways of the office building
Until finally they reached their destination.
His boss looked up and saw the well-broken ceiling.
His face red with anger, he demanded to know
What could possibly have caused this enormous hole.

“I have not yet begun to comprehend ‘e-mail.’
The whole system seems needless, if you should ask me.
Why go through all the trouble of sending e-mails
When we have perfectly good carrier pigeons?
So I had to send off all these budget reports
To the central database in South Dakota,
And decided it would be far more efficient
To send a carrier pigeon with the spreadsheets
Than to spend all that time figuring out e-mail
And how to send a document with the message.
My pigeon has been known to be a headstrong one,
In the literal and figurative senses.
As a matter of fact, to ensure he arrives
With the message remaining intact in his claws,
I have gone so far as to strap a drill to him.
His particularly sturdy head supports it,
And it does not impede him, not in the slightest.
My cubicle is in the middle of the room,
So as you know, I have no access to windows.
And thus, my pigeon and I had to improvise.
I ultimately set my pigeon out the roof.
I had hoped for the crack made to be a small one;
However, the crack wound up spreading far outward,
And I was left with the hole you see before you.
And so, you see, this was all for accounting’s sake.
If you see it fit to fire me, please do so;
But I was about to quit my job anyway,
Thus rendering your punishment rather useless.
Should you pursue me in legal action, I’d win.
After all, I was only completing my job.
So I expect you will let me resign in peace.”

_________________
"It's like someone made a submarine out of metal, and the metal became the norm, but then someone said 'Everyone makes their submarines out of metal, let's make one out of bread.'"
-ZeroPunctuation on the right analog stick's function in Too Human
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theSeraph

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PostSubject: Re: Odyssey project   Tue 16 Dec 2008, 7:12 am

How long does your project have to be again?
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CorellonL
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PostSubject: Re: Odyssey project   Tue 16 Dec 2008, 4:55 pm

As the tale went on, his boss's face grew redder,
But there was nothing that he could do about it.
He thus let Odysseus resign from accounting,
And Odysseus departed from his cubicle.
Bringing only the bare necessities with him,
Odysseus began walking for dozens of miles.
After three weeks straight of trudging through Delaware,
An old, red, beaten-up Rambler rolled up to him.
As Odysseus turned his head to see who it was,
One grimy window descended, very slowly,
And an old man with a scruffy beard looked at him.
His eyes were cobalt blue, and he smiled toothlessly.
"Need a ride?" he asked Odysseus. "Where ya goin'?"
"Well, anywhere will do," Odysseus responded.
"If there is a church, synagogue, or mosque standing,
I would go wherever it is you are heading."

"Come on in," the man replied, and Odysseus did.
"Tell me about yourself. You into religion?
Oh, I know, you must be one o' them born-agains.
Lost faith in yer old religion? Need sump'm new?
Well, lemme tell ya, I'm a God-fearin' Christian,
And that's workin' out just fine for me. Oh, it's great.
Jesus Christ is my savior, and I am his child.
Here, give this a try. Maybe you'll like what ya see."
He reached over and opened the glove compartment,
And pulled out a thick book that read "Holy Bible."
Odysseus took the book and began reading it.
He absorbed every letter, every syllable,
Until he fully understood the religion.

Many hours later, the car stopped abruptly.
"Well, feller, this is where I stop, so you get out.
If you'd like, I can show yeh to a good hotel.
Here, c'mon, let's get out of the car now, arright?"
They opened their respective doors and stood upright,
And as they did so, Odysseus unsheathed his knife,
And pierced the man in the neck when his back was turned.
He proceeded to saw off his head, bit by bit,
And placed it upon a metallic rod he found
He then marched around all nearby towns with the head,
Shouting, "If any of you worship Jesus Christ,
Know only that this is the fate to befall you!
And so, I implore you all, believe in Hades!
Believe in Poseidon, in Apollo, in Zeus!
Any who should challenge me or the will of Zeus
Can join your other Christian friends here on the pole."
Four men refused to convert from their religions,
And each man got his head added to the totem.

In the end, Odysseus converted the whole state
As word spread from town to town, county to county,
The whole nation was purged of Christianity.
Given the modern international commerce,
China, Russia, Britain, and France quickly found out
And they immediately converted as well.
The Jews, Buddhists, Scientologists, and Muslims
Did not want to face the same fate as the Christians
And thus, promptly abandoned their ways and converted.
The world was rid of its impurer religions;
Odysseus had succeeded in Athena’s quest.

Shortly after, the goddess Athena came down,
And delivered a message unto Odysseus:
“Odysseus,” she spoke, her golden hair glistening,
“You have completed the task I have given you.
However, is this what you think I had wanted?
Do you suppose these men believe in what is right,
Or are they just afraid of you? Think about it.
This would not have happened two thousand years ago.
I suppose, then, there is nothing that can be done.
In this day and age, killing is the only choice.
I cannot punish you, though, for what you have done;
It’s standard, considering the timeframe we’re in.
I am quite sure that had I approached you earlier,
This situation would have never have occurred.
You see, there is very little that can be done.
When the world’s greatest hero has done what’s been done,
It has surpassed the jurisdiction of the gods.
The situation must work itself out alone.
Should the human race kill itself off, no matter.
There are plenty of other species just waiting.
Should antelopes arise as sentient beings,
Believe that the gods will be there with them as well,
And believe that they will have a hero like you.
Such is the way the world works. It is unbiased,
And does not ensure human-controlled dominance.
And so, Odysseus, I shall lift my gift from you.
Remember only that you were a better man
When you were still a mortal like everyone else.
Goodbye, Odysseus. Go to meet Penelope.”

With that, the goddess ascended skyward once more,
And as she did, Odysseus collapsed to the ground,
Ready to go where he should have been long ago.

And so, soon after, the world collapsed;
Such is the nature of nature’s deathtrap.






There was no set length for the assignment. This wound up being exactly five pages. I'm pretty sure the couplet at the end is going to get me fifteen to ninety bonus points.

_________________
"It's like someone made a submarine out of metal, and the metal became the norm, but then someone said 'Everyone makes their submarines out of metal, let's make one out of bread.'"
-ZeroPunctuation on the right analog stick's function in Too Human
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theSeraph

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PostSubject: Re: Odyssey project   Wed 17 Dec 2008, 12:23 pm

you'll have to tell us what you got as a grade on it later
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CorellonL
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PostSubject: Re: Odyssey project   Thu 08 Jan 2009, 2:25 pm

The results are in! 50/50
I haven't gotten it back yet, so I can't see any comments she may have written on it. All I have is the grade.

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"It's like someone made a submarine out of metal, and the metal became the norm, but then someone said 'Everyone makes their submarines out of metal, let's make one out of bread.'"
-ZeroPunctuation on the right analog stick's function in Too Human
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monodemono
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PostSubject: Re: Odyssey project   Sun 15 Feb 2009, 4:06 pm

I like it Core, you win internetz for that Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: Odyssey project   Fri 06 Mar 2009, 7:30 am

woah.
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